Pay Attention, Please

With the first day of school in less than two weeks I will be repeating today's title frequently. After just the first week students begin to have problems focusing on what is being presented. Their family interactions, dating activities and extracurricular involvements fill their thoughts. As a teacher I must be sensitive to the events that are meaningful to them and attempt to connect the learning experience to real life.

This is really true of all relationships. Every one of us bring into each day all kinds of cares and concerns. While it may be true that we should be paying attention to our boss, our spouse, our kids and a host of other people, we are actually screaming inside for someone to pay attention to our needs. When we try to share with someone and they seem to look beyond us preoccupied with their own thoughts, we are thinking, "I wish they would pay attention."

With that in mind we need to cultivate the art of paying attention to others. Attentiveness involves noticing facial expressions, words, and the tone of voice as well as moods in the people around us. Our discussion and actions should then be adjusted to minister to the needs we sense. As we begin paying attention others will pay attention to us as well and the lines of communication will be open and flowing. Be alert, pay attention and the doors of ministry will be opened.

It Takes One To Know One

Often the title phrase is used in a derogatory comeback to an accuser. However, there is a positive principle involved as well. We cannot effectively pass on to someone else something we have not experienced. Grace in living and relationships can only be shared when we are experiencing it ourselves.

Psalm 100 in the Bible gives us a great pattern to follow in order to experience the grace of our Shepherd. That pattern begins with our actions on behalf of the Lord... make, serve, come. If we are not actively seeking to develop our relationship with God then we will not have the basis of relationships with others. It is when we look for opportunities to serve others that we are able to send grace into their lives.

The Psalm continues with attitude development. We are instructed to humble ourselves before the Lord, realizing just who He is and how dependent we are upon him. This attitude is necessary in our relationships with others as well. We cannot be focused on self and expect to be an encouragement to others.

Finally, the Psalm discusses our approach to the Lord... thanksgiving, praise, blessing. Probably most of us would have to describe our approach to the Lord and to others in terms other than those. We can't uplift the spirits of others if we approach them with negative, demanding ways.

We must become people of grace if we are to share that grace with others. We must build each day on a foundation of right actions and attitudes and approach others as those with whom we can share grace because we have grace.

Pull Out The Knife

You have probably heard someone say, "He stabbed me in the back!" What they meant, of course, was that someone had violated their trust. Someone had been disloyal. Probably the greatest wound that can be suffered is disloyalty.

Often the lack of loyalty on the part of an acquaintance is only perceived. One young man was a quarterback on the football team. His girlfriend loyally attended every game. She praised her fellow for his great ability. She was his most loyal fan. Then she sent him a note just before the big game that said, "I'll be faithful to the end." The young man felt as if he had been stabbed in the back.

Making our loyalty clear to a family member, friend or other acquaintance is a real encouragement to them. Becoming slack in demonstrating loyalty could be a stab in the back. Pull out the perceived knife by making reassuring statements and taking supportive actions toward others. They will be uplifted and sense grace flowing from you into their lives.

One way you can demonstrate your loyalty to others is by remembering important events with a greeting card. For information on how you can send real, printed greeting cards by US mail using your computer fill out the information form at Sending Grace or email me.

Please and Thank-You

Those are two expressions that open doors and pave the way to good relationships. They recognize our dependence on someone for a desired action and our appreciation of someone who has performed in a way that has benefited or pleased us. They both will enrich the speaker and the hearer.

Being grateful is an important quality for sending grace into the lives of others. If we are not grateful we are not in a condition to bring grace to others and if we are it flows almost automatically. We learn the importance of gratefulness early in life. I remember my first learning experience with regard to saying please and thank-you. We were dinner guests at my aunt's home. I called out, "Pass the potatoes" which someone promptly did. Then came the lesson. My Mom demanded, "What happened to please and thank-you?" to which I replied, "Oh, this is family, I don't need to say that here." I won't go into the embarrassment that resulted from the lecture I received.

In a society that has become less and less mannerly we all need to express gratefulness. It becomes easier if we learn to recognize the benefits that God and others have provided and then look for ways to express genuine appreciation. Saying please and thank-you is just the beginning. They are usually connected with seeking and receiving some desired action. We also need to be grateful for life and friendships even when we don't receive anything in particular. That gratefulness will change us within and refresh those around us.

Catch This

Most of the time when we think about catching something some disease comes to mind. Both my wife and I have to be concerned about this. We work with school children every day and are always catching something from them. While we don't want to share diseases, there is something we all need to share...enthusiasm!

Jobs, ministries, relationships and about every other life activity we are are involved in requires enthusiasm to be successful. Many people change jobs, ministries and even relationships frequently because they have no enthusiasm for what they are doing. If they don't make a change they face each day with boredom and lack of effectiveness.

One young man expressing his love to his girl-friend illustrates the lack of enthusiasm some have. He wrote her a letter in which he said, "My dear sweetheart, I love you with all of my heart. I cannot bear the times when we are not together. I dream of you when I sleep and in my daydreams. I look forward to being with you and if it doesn't rain this weekend I'll be over to see you.

Someone has defined enthusiasm as "learning what actions and attitudes please others and becoming excited about doing them." If we would learn how to motivate others with a spirit of praise and joy, life would become much more rewarding and we would become enthusiastic about everything we are doing. In our job or ministry a goal of pleasing those we serve would make us enthused even if the actual tasks don't seem to have much significance. In our relationships a goal of uplifting others would cause us to enthusiastically search for new ways of accomplishing that goal. Most of all, a desire to please God should bring us to all of life's tasks and relationships with great enthusiasm. What is our goal? Is it just to make it through another day or to minister to those around us and to our God?

As A Man Thinks So Is He

Today's title is a paraphrase of the biblical statement "as a man thinks in his heart so is he" found in Proverbs 3:27. Obviously, then, we need to be very cautious about what we allow to fill our minds. Perhaps that is why we are so uplifted after participating in a worship service. Our minds have been focused on God. Isaiah 26:3 adds this thought, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee."

While we are bombarded every day with less than peaceful thoughts, we can prevent those thoughts from taking over our minds and eventually our focus and actions. We need to focus on the love, forgiveness, compassion and care of God so that the ugly, peace-stealing thoughts will be crowded out. One author has indicated that the greatest battle going on is the battle for our mind. That's why scripture admonishes us to let the mind of Christ be in us.

Once we begin to have this new focus in our mind our observable actions will begin to change. People will see a new person and will respond in a new way. So, if people are not responding well to you and you are having difficulty building relationships, it may be because of the focus of your mind. Determine today to have a new mind and enjoy the result of becoming a new you.

I Don't Feel It Anymore

There are several diseases that result in loss of sensitivity due to the deterioration of nerve endings. Unnoticed injuries lead to more serious problems. People with diabetes, for example, must constantly examine their feet to prevent unknown injuries from leading to gangrene and the loss of a foot or leg.

Loss of sensitivity is not limited to the physical realm. Today we are often being desensitized without even realizing it. TV, movies and video games among other things have conditioned our responses negatively. We see so many murders, hear so much swearing, cursing and use of vulgarity that soon we don't even notice it anymore. Ungodly ideas, words, thoughts and actions that would have been considered immoral and degenerate a few years ago have now become so common that the disgust previously felt is just not felt anymore.

This process is no accident. Our soul's enemy knows that we would never accept this moral degeneration all at once. So, he has slowly worn away our moral and spiritual nerve endings until we are now in grave danger. We don't even notice the impact that has been made upon us. We no longer care what anyone thinks or how anyone feels. We are no longer repulsed by news of death, injustices and acts of violence. We just don't feel it anymore.

The solution begins with recognizing the problem. Then we must systematically eliminate and control the sources of our desensitizing. Refuse to watch ungodly and worthless TV or attend degrading, violent and demoralizing movies. Focus on relieving the pain in the lives of people around us. Begin to feel the sorrows and plight of others and plan a proper response. After a while that response will become natural rather than having to be planned. We need to begin feeling both the needs of others and the direction of God in our lives again.

Creating Intentional Connections

The second law of thermodynamics essentially says that left alone things tend to disintegrate. That is also true in regard to relationships, friendships and acquaintances. All of these connections require active attention in order for them to survive and become stronger.

Just think back over the years. Depending on your age you probably have lost contact with many who at one time were close. When I was in sixth grade I had three cousins who were with me in my classroom. Today I am really out of touch with all of them. My high school class has a reunion periodically, but I haven't been able to get to one due to living hundreds of miles from my home town. I have had some contact with a few in recent years, but in most cases I don't even know where they are. The same is true for my college buddies. Then since my jobs (pastor and school teacher) have taken me from Michigan to Illinois to Texas and now Indiana, there are many former friendships that have diminished due to distance and time.

The desire to renew of all these contacts grows as the years pass and we become aware that personal relationships are far more important than jobs, money and other issues that occupy our attention. Recently I received a mailing from my college alumni office with the title Creating Intentional Connections. As I thought about years gone by, I realized that there were many people with whom I needed to reconnect. I have begun making those contacts and have found it to be very rewarding. Once you get started the joy you experience and the thankfulness others express will motivate you to continue.

One easy way to renew connections is by sending a personal greeting card. You can locate addresses by doing Internet searches. Then from your computer you can select, personalize and have sent a real greeting card. To learn how visit Sending Grace and fill out the request form there or email me.

Silence May Not Be Golden

Have you noticed that nearly everyone seems to be wired for sound? Teens and adults alike can't seem to set aside the headphones, cell phones, radio and TV. Whenever I take my junior high students on a field trip the first thing they ask is whether they can take along their listening devices. If they don't have MP3 or CD players they want the radio playing. I don't care for all the "noise" on the radio so I usually tell them that silence is golden.

In the last couple of years I have noticed that adults jogging are also always wired for sound. Then with the popularity of cell phones people are on the phone at restaurants, while driving, or even while out for a walk. I keep asking myself why people can't realize that silence is golden.

Then something happened to me. On Monday my phone provider went bankrupt and abruptly ceased operation for all 200,000 of us who were its customers. Suddenly there was no phone ringing at our house and we couldn't call anyone. It brought panic. What if someone needed to talk to us? Well, I dug out my prepaid cell that we only use for security when on bicycle rides or auto trips. I quickly called our friends and family with whom we frequently talk. I wanted them to know how to be in touch. Then I realized that sometimes silence is not golden.

We crave contact with others. While I can get along without turning on the TV or the radio, I found that I "needed" to be in contact with people. The prospect of not being able to talk to friends and family or have them contact me was uncomfortable. While opportunities for quietness and meditation are welcomed and needed, total silence is not golden. Perhaps the constant presence of MP3's, CD players, cell phones, radios and TV is simply an attempt to avoid the silence of being out of contact.

Another way to stay in touch is by becoming a regular sender of greeting cards. The message of a card can stimulate warm memories and feelings for both the sender and receiver. For more information on how to become a sender of real greeting cards delivered by the US mail right from your computer go to Sending Grace and fill out the form there or email me.

Compassion

"I cried because I had no shoes, 'till I met a man who had no feet." Often we get so wound up in focusing on our own wants and needs that we completely overlook the fact that for the most part we are quite blessed. However, because we live in a stuff oriented society we think we need more. This emphasis causes us to have attitudes that keep us from reaching out to others.

Two attitudes that stifle our responsiveness to others are apathy and empathy. Neither of them motivates us to do anything about people's needs. Apathy simply is not caring or even noticing the needs of others. Most of us are not so self-centered that we fall into that category. However, the empathy category does catch many of us. We notice and feel sorry for people's situations, but we do nothing to relieve them. Neither of these attitudes really reaches out to anyone.

The attitude we must develop is compassion. Action results when we have compassion. We see the need. We are truly sorry about it. Then we do something to help alleviate it. When someone is hungry we need to do something to get them some food. When someone is hurting we need to do something to ease that pain. When someone is lonely we need to do something to overcome the loneliness.

Jesus provided the example for us. When people were hungry He performed the miracle of the loaves and fishes. When people were hurting He performed the miracle of healing. When people were lonely He transformed their lives. While we cannot perform miracles like Jesus did, we can be filled with compassion and demonstrate care and concern for others through specific actions. We need to look for opportunities to show compassion daily.

Dependability

"I'll get that done right away." "The check is in the mail." "Consider it done." These are all statements people have made to us expressing assurance that we need not be concerned about the issue at hand. Often, however, there is cause for our concern.

Once I made a purchase and later learned that by following a certain procedure I could save over $200 on that purchase. I returned to the store and submitted the required paperwork for the savings and the secretary promised to have the bookkeeper call to confirm the transaction the next day. Two days went by with no call. I called the store again and was promised that one of the four office workers would call right back. There was no call. Finally, at the end of the day I called once more and spoke with the person who "had my paperwork in hand" and was processing the request. He said he would call back as soon as he finished. There has still been no call.

Experiences like that tend to diminish our faith and trust in people. The problem is that this scenario repeats itself daily. Few people demonstrate dependability. When someone does follow through and get the job done he or she becomes the sought after person. We ask for that person when we really need to get something done. That dependable person becomes a person we trust and seek out.

Our dependability enriches others. People have less stress and irritation in their lives when there is someone they know will not fail them. Our dependability demonstrates that we really care about a person's needs and will take whatever action is necessary to meet them. Our dependability places a value on the felt needs of those around us. When we are dependable we will be sought out not just to do various tasks but as a trusted, caring friend.

We can demonstrate our dependability by remembering simple but important events in the lives of others. Note a birthday, anniversary or needed thank-you. Recognize an accomplishment or character quality in someones life. Follow promptings to meet the need someone has. Be a caring, dependable friend.

Reflections

Why do people spend so much time in front of the mirror before departing for the day's activities? Probably because the reflection is depicting something unwanted that takes time to correct. We all want to look our best as we interact with people throughout the day. Unfortunately, sometimes all the efforts we put forth into changing the reflection are to no avail. The mirror like a camera only displays what is real whether we like it or not.

When the images reflected are beautiful to start with the result may be breathtaking. Have you ever gazed across a body of crystal clear water to the opposite shore and noted the reflection of the trees or flowering shrubs. That makes an awesome picture. Recently, I once toured a cave in which an underground pond of water had formed just beneath a magnificent formation. The reflection of that formation in the pond made it look as though the formation extended deep into the ground. It was beautiful.

When the reflected object is one of beauty then the result is even more beautiful. This is true with our lives. If we are filled with love, compassion, kindness, thankfulness and other positive characteristics, then we will reflect those features to everyone around us. People will be enriched by the graces of our life being reflected upon them. On the other hand, if our lives our filled with dissatisfaction, complaining and a negative spirit, people will be negatively affected.

The Bible tells us to reflect the light of Jesus that others may have a desire to know Him. We must each ask, "What kind of mirror am I?"

Whiners or Winners?

At the school where I teach we have a fairly strict dress and behavior code. Its purpose is to teach our students the graces they will need in the workplace and to make an impact on society. Frequently I hear a student say, "I hate all these rules. I can't wait to get out of here." In a former children's home school setting one of the students was a chronic complainer about rules and authorities. Then he graduated and promptly joined the marines.

This condition of whining is not restricted to students in schools. In our town's online version of the newspaper each article has a place for the readers to make comments. It is amazing that no matter what the story certain readers whine about the police, the news reporter, the government leaders, parents and anything or anyone else that was featured in the story. They never seem to see anything positive.

People who are whiners are never winners. Their outlook is always negative. On the other hand, people who are winners have a positive outlook. A story is told about brothers who were extreme opposites. One was a total optimist and the other a total pessimist. The parents were concerned about both. So on the advice of a psychologist they bought each of them a special Christmas present. For their pessimist son the parents wrapped up the most wonderful gift they could remember him wanting. For their optimist son they wrapped up a box of horse manure. When the pessimist opened his gift he exclaimed, "Oh, I just knew I wouldn't get much of anything." When the optimist opened his gift he excitedly dug through the horse manure as he said, "With all this horse manure there must be a pony somewhere."

We each need to decide we will be a winner rather than a whiner, an optimist rather than a pessimist. In the Bible Paul decided to be a winner through the grace he found in his faith. He declared that he had learned how to both be abased and abound. Philippians 4:8 encourages us, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." By filling our mind with the good, positive things rather than the bad things of life we can become optimistic winners. Then that spirit is passed on to those around us. What is your choice?

You can spread a positive winning attitude to others by sending greeting cards of encouragement, thankfulness and inspiration. Visit Sending Grace or contact me by email for more information.

What is a Makarios?

Perhaps you have noticed that my articles are signed with the name Makarios and wondered what that word means. Makarios is the Greek word translated as "blessed" at the beginning of each of the beatitudes in Matthew 5:3-11. Some modern versions translate it simply as "happy".

Actually, makarios means "an inner peace and satisfaction that cannot be disturbed by outside circumstances". If only everyone could experience "makarios" we really would be blessed. I'm sure that if we could manufacture makarios as pills in a bottle there would be a huge market for it. People buy all kinds of powders, pills, and potions that promise release from stress and insomnia.

There is good news. "Makarios" is available as a gift of grace. In the very first of the beatitudes Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit...". When we come to the place in our spirit where we realize that we have need of God's grace, then he gives it to us and the result is makarios. Suddenly, the things that seemed so important and brought pressure and stress into life are no longer robbing us of joy and peace in life.

Makarios doesn't mean that there will no longer be any troubles or difficulties. We are simply able to rise above them because of enabling grace. In turn we are able to be more gracious with others. If you need grace in your life it is available in a relationship with God. Ask for it and then begin sharing it. Send grace into the lives of others.

One way to demonstrate the makarios you have to others is by communicating your peace and happiness through a greeting card. You can do that with the click of a mouse using SendOutCards. You select a card from 1000's online, personalize the card and click send. SendOutCards prints your personalized card, stuffs it, stamps it and mails is via USPS to your recipient. For more information about how to get involved in sending grace either visit Sending Grace or contact me at drmerillat@merillat.us .

Laughing Grace

What cold water is to a hot, thirsty body a hearty laugh is to a beleaguered soul. As we get beyond the youthful years we seem to laugh less. William Fry, M.D., professor of psychiatry at Stanford University Medical School and expert on health and laughter, reports the average kindergarten student laughs 300 times a day. Yet, adults average just 17 laughs a day.

We have allowed the stresses and demands of work and life to rob us of the joy of a smile and a laugh. Proverbs 15:13 says, "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." By our own inner joy and outward expression of that joy we can bring grace to those around us. As a junior high teacher I tried to pepper my lessons with stories, jokes, riddles and other witticisms to make classroom learning enjoyable. While the students liked to moan and groan (outwardly) at my attempts, the comments I heard around the school told me that they enjoyed their classroom experience.

As a pastor my rule of thumb was to have at least one interesting story or joke to illustrate every major point. Humor and laughter is like the "spoonful of sugar" that makes the "medicine go down". A classroom lecture or Sunday sermon is much easier to digest and enjoy when you are smiling.

Not all of us are comedians. However, all of us can smile pleasantly and work on having a joyful personality. We enhance our own circle of friends as people enjoy the positive feelings that radiate from us. So, turn on a little laughter and put on a little smile. After all, it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.

Meeting Personal Needs

Everyone has a need. As we meet and interact with people the tone of the relationship is tempered by the unseen or unknown needs in each of our lives. As we notice and reach out to meet the needs of others, our own needs begin to be met. We find a great example of this in Jesus relationship with his disciples.

One morning the disciples were coming to shore from an all night fishing trip that had produced nothing. They were tired and discouraged. I am sure we all can identify with how they must have felt. There are many days that seem unproductive and disappointing. Those around us have similar days. At that point in time we have a need for someone to bring grace into our lives.

Jesus did just that for the disciples. He instructed them to cast their fishing net on the other side of the boat. When they did it was filled. As they dragged the huge catch on shore Jesus had a breakfast cooking for them. What a relief for the disciples.

We need to notice when others are discouraged and offer them a hand of grace. It may be just an encouraging word or helping hand. Or, it may be an action that involves our time, effort and even money. The key is that the person senses our compassion and care for them. That is a missing element in many relationships in our world today. Maya Angelo said that people will forget what we say and do but not how we make them feel. Try sending grace into someones life today
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